How they make you buy their shit!!
Mad men is a series about an advertising firm. When I saw it, I wondered about the aptness of the title. If you watch an ad break on Indian television, you will know that it was correct. They are really mad.
Earlier, product advertising was all about that the product offered. Now they have adopted the most creative, unique and convoluted ways any sane mind could imagine. This is why I think they are insane (in other words mad).
Earlier, product advertising was all about that the product offered. Now they have adopted the most creative, unique and convoluted ways any sane mind could imagine. This is why I think they are insane (in other words mad).
Always playing a fair game
No wonder English is a language of white people. England is the home for whitest of white people. Fair means both being light complexion and treating people equally(Because that’s exactly what all white skinned races did). Then there is a small matter of phrases like black sheep. On a side note… English, like many other European languages is actually a Germanic language, named after a medieval German tribe called Angels. See, Hitler was just trying to reunite lost families.
All the consumer goods manufacturing giants in India and some from abroad have felt very very bad for Indians. They cried their hearts out because it was not fair that god hadn’t made Indians fair. So, there flooded markets with creams that can make a crow look like a dove. Some take 7 weeks, some take a few more. But advertising firms have made sure that they make Indians believe these fairness creams can wipe the Melanin off their skins. According to these advertising firms, all Indians were born sinners(dark skinned) and their fairness creams are giving their lives for our sins. So, they need to believe in the creams and accept them. The sales show that this concept did not help just Christianity.Like toilets there are separate ones for men and women. Looking at their ads I started believing that it will be only a matter of time when all Indians will be so fair skinned that we will see tanning saloons opening. Indians can then do what all the other white fair skinned people did and colonise the world, with flags bearing fairness cream logos. A global expansion of this products can end racism by making everyone look like Caucasians.
Solving Unemployment
What is the most important attribute needed to get any job? Attitude? Commitment? Hard work? Wrong! Wrong! and Wrong again!
You need to have the whitest shirt in the whole universe and this can be achieved by using the washing powder with a technology so advanced that aliens are planning to Invade the earth to steal the formula.
Beating themselves up for us
New beats the old. Correct? May be in some instances. But according to the advertising breaks on my television all hair and skin products are always new and improved. They evolve every quarter. I guess all the unsold bottles of that shampoo that promised to make your hair stronger than a steel cable(but you ended up half bald) sat down, lay some eggs and they hatched into new and advanced version of that shampoo. They keep bettering and beating their older version in their own game. What for? For us. Its just for us consumers. The scientists of the world are burning away their lives like a candle to give your face a powder coat that can last for an extra hour. So that your co-workers can still recognise when you need to put in an extra hour.
Match makers
In 2009, a hoax news was circulating all over India. A man sued Axe after not being able to attract a single girl after using the deodorant. If you watch Indian advertisements now, the concept is still the same. There is only one way to sell a deodorant to a guy. Tell him that a girls skirt will fall off as soon as she smells him in their deodorant. I do smell a lot of deodorants at work, but I’m having trouble finding any skirts on the floor. There must be someone from advertising firm, picking these up before I see them. If you are not looking for something serious, there are some that can help you with one night stands also.
Then there are other products like tooth pastes, mouth fresheners, shoes, clothing, chocolates and most recently ice-creams. All these products are made to help you find your perfect match.
Health is wealth
There is a saying in a lot of Indian languages that translates to ‘Health is wealth’. The advertising agencies read is as.. Your health is our wealth. Did you know there are germs every where. You need to wash your hands 100 times a day. Kids are more prone to these than adults. This must be a recent phenomenon. Because one of my favourite pass time as a kid was to play with a stick in mud. That never got me sick. Was I immune to all the germs or did all these germs evolve recently?
Also, there are other products to boost your health in a lot of other ways. There are pills that can help you out race a street dog. There are air purifiers that can covert hell to heaven. There are mosquito repellents where each machine is equipped with a laser beam to kill bugs.
Also, there are other products to boost your health in a lot of other ways. There are pills that can help you out race a street dog. There are air purifiers that can covert hell to heaven. There are mosquito repellents where each machine is equipped with a laser beam to kill bugs.
The scary movie
Now that the above health care contingent has scared you enough to make you think twice before you touch, drink or eat anything. There is another contingent who makes scarier movies. The Insurance guys. Perhaps the only guys who pray equally (if not more) for your well-being apart from your family and friends. They show you the weird ways the grim reaper will come for you and consequences that it will have on your loved ones. Only money can turn their grief into happiness. So, you should give them your money. This is how you make people buy insurance.
Expert’s choice
Expert is the most knowledgeable person on a given topic. You have to trust their judgement. Ignore it an you peril. This is why it takes me 2 and a half hours to brush my teeth. Well I have to brush my teeth with all the tooth pastes that experts have recommended. Don’t I? There are so many products that claim to be recommended by experts that I started questioning the meaning of expert. I’m planning to write to oxford dictionary folks to change it to ‘Recommends anything when paid enough’
I expect to add more things to this post in days to come. All this is just the tip of the ice berg. There are numerous other Indian advertising gems. Some honourable mentions.
There is jewellery to help a girl get married. Thumb’s up is only for Bollywood stunt men. Always take the chocolate that strangers offer you. Then you have to smear it all over your face and then lick it off your face. Women can achieve anything, but only during their periods. Every car is number 1, so if you want one, you have to buy them all.
Don’t even get me started on tele-marketers. Their products belong in noble prize nominations. They can make you grow tall even if your genetic makeup says otherwise. There are belts that can make you loose weight faster than a Formula 1 car ride. What the heck. They even have a cure for diabetes.
Random thoughts of a confused primate 